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Tuesday, May 12, 2015

My Son the Mom, I Mean Dad

My son and his fiancee, Sarah have been together for four years and they have a beautiful son, Zaine. He is sixteen months old. Until the baby came they both worked. She did and still does do the majority of the cooking as my son says he burns boiling water (in my mind an excuse not to try which she validates by telling him to stay away from the stove.) I can understand her side she is a chef and likes her things a certain way, preferably not burnt. Sorry I had to throw some humor in just in case he ever reads this. Other than that they both go grocery shopping, clean, run errands, take the baby to his doctor appointments etc.

They sound on paper like a nice 'normal' family. The difference is she works and he stays home with their son. They decided when she was pregnant that one of them would always be Zaine's caretaker, no babysitters. I love that idea. After Zaine was born, very much to my liking and maybe due to some persuasion, they moved down here where I raised my family. They, he more than she I'm sure, wanted to be with family. I was and of course still am absolutely thrilled with that choice. She has major brownie points with this grandma. Due to lack of work they could not both find jobs opposite shifts. Cost of living is a little lower here so they chose for one of them to stay home and be caretaker, in my mind mom has always been the one that rocked them to sleep at nap time, took them to the park, clothed and fed them, knew their every want and need (the caretaker.) Times they have been a changing, in some areas I had to learn that I have not changed. I always told my dad jokingly don't be stuck in the sixties, well I found myself stuck in the eighties. She found a job first making more than he could, working the restaurant daytime shift. That means eight to twelve hours a day starting at the time they say and ending at the time they say, scheduled but always different. Cooking is her dream job, not to say that it is an easy one, as it is far from it. Jeff does awesome with the baby. I'm grandma and yet when daddy comes in he wants him, now! Jeff knows what makes him upset or why he's crying (most of the time.) They have bonded so tightly that he has that "mom" bond with both his mom and his dad! I guess that would make it a daddy bond.

In the beginning I admit that I wasn't the most supportive. I caught my self intentionally making remarks like "Where's mommy oh, there HE is." I finally couldn't stand that I was being so ignorant to my own son and sat down to think about what it could be that was really troubling me and causing me to be so callus. I dug deep inside and finally the answer came to me. Was my own son becoming one of today's so called "bitches"? That stands for a man that runs the house so he doesn't have to work. A man that drops the woman off at work takes the kid and hangs out with his friends all day (doing who knows what.) In his defense, my son does neither. Now I know some of you know the kind of man I'm talking about. I have known of a couple and I could not see not my son going down that path. We talked about it. He was appalled, with every right.

One afternoon I was with my daughter and seen from the high sitting SUV window an old friend, we weren't to close but enough so that I knew some of her family affairs. At the very moment I saw her I experienced a fireworks awakening. She also worked and her husband was the caretaker of their two children. Not because he was lazy or she made more as they both have great jobs, but because she loved her job, it was her dream job. He patiently did "his" job as caretaker until things moved a bit and they could both work. Maybe all those male caretakers aren't as bad as I assumed after all. I keep telling myself assume nothing, yeah right! Maybe next time I'll learn.


What do you think of the roles reversing? Do you know men of either caliber?


Zaine and Dad last summer (all my pics are on my other computer)

2 comments:

  1. my son also does the bulk of the Mommy load too,,he went back to school and his wife has a good job,so he takes on the 2 babies full steam,,he does such a awesome job too

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  2. I'm a huge supporter of the so-called "role reversal", because in my opinion it doesn't matter who stays at home or who works, so long as the family is taken care of. My husband and I have swapped roles in the past couple of years - until 2012 he was the breadwinner while I took care of the house and kids but also worked from home. From 2012 onwards, due to his ongoing medical issues, I am the breadwinner - so he's the hands-on parent and housekeeper most of the time.

    Whatever works, right? Genders and titles (husband, wife, etc.) shouldn't define who we are or what we do for our family. :)

    Jenn, x@jenn.nu
    http://www.jenn.nu

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