It seems so odd that I am thinking back on all the perfect things they have done, just like all the poems said when I was growing up, although, I couldn't see it then, I couldn't believe that I would look back someday and see all the greatness in my parents. I found faults and negative actions when I should have only been basking in their love, comfort and the good things they wanted for me. My parents were married for 52 years and I understood that accomplishment but I should have felt thankful and blessed that my parents had something so few do these days. A committed life to there first loves and to their family. Being raised by parents with a lifetime commitment to their family is a blessing that I took for granted until now, now that it is too late, to late to tell them how grateful and proud I am of their accomplishments.
I feel as those my heart has broken into so many pieces. The minor things in my life no-longer matter. Out of nowhere I want my childhood back. The memories are flooding my eyes so that I can barely see. I remember simple things like us watching The Brady Bunch as a family, picking up my dad from work when we could only afford one car, going Christmas shopping each for the other then late night dinner at Pizza Hut. The sweet traditions. I remember traveling to Florida and picnic-ing along the way to save money but my mom would say this is more fun anyway. I remember visiting my grandmother in Pennsylvania and getting home in the middle of the night. My dad would bring all 4 of us sleeping children up to the house one after the other. Death is such a lonely thing, no one can feel just what you do and even if, they can't take one drop of your pain away as we each must suffer in our own way, over our lose.
It has only been one week and I have felt so many emotions and thought so very many thoughts. I I cursed the world we live in for turning to so many quick and simple foods full of cancer causing agents, I blamed myself for not insisting he go to the doctor sooner. I swore the rich would have gotten better care and I questioned God. Why, Lord? when it is not ours to question why.